The G-CSF wash did not help my lining; it actually stayed the same. I am feeling defeated yet again. That is not what I imagined as I had a “good feeling” or maybe I was trying to be positive. Next steps, we will try the wash again and have a check up in 2 days. If it does not work, this month’s cycle is over. Which means we start over but this time the doctor wants me on trental (this is to help my lining) for a few months. That is not what I wanted to hear considering they should have had me on this medication since September of last year but it was missed by both doctors. With that said, Jack and I will talk to the doctor tomorrow in detail on next steps. IF this cycle doesn’t work (I am not holding my breathe at this point), can we incorporate another egg retrieval(s) to get more embryo(s) while I am on trental for a few months? And we have decided to finally contact the surrogacy agencies that the doctor provided me a while back. The doctor told me to start the process but I held off because I really wanted to try to carry. I recall my fertility doctor saying there’s a 70% chance of success when you use an experienced surrogate. At this point, we will look into all our options. I am not getting any younger and nearing my mid-40’s. Jack and I will also look at our finances as I received surrogacy estimates but Jack is very supportive and says we will do what can to try to make this as an option.
As you can imagine, I am feeling really down right now but the doctor did say we need to think about when to call it off. Every appointment there’s hope and disappointment. We need to ask ourselves when it’s time to choose a completely different path and/or close the chapter on this journey. I couldn’t hold back my tears in the office when we discussed the options and what the future plans may be. The doctor was very kind to say he will not bill me anymore for the visits on this cycle while we are trying to figure on what the next plan is going to be. The wash is not cheap but for us what’s another few hundred dollars? I’d rather try it again and not have a what if. I read a story on a lady that did the wash and it didn’t help her the first time but it did help her the second time. Could it be the same scenario for me? What’s it going to hurt if I do this again except for the uncomfortable procedure?
I found this illustration and do not recall how it came across my web search. This is how I feel right now. I apologize that I am not able to give credit to the artist so if you are out there, please raise your hand.
~Janet
