We haven’t wanted to share such news and kept this to ourselves for a little bit to work through our feelings. We appreciate everyone respecting our privacy and waiting for us to share our updates.
Our last embryo didn’t stick.
Transfer Date: August 26
Pregnancy Test Date: September 5
We don’t want to stop believing, but we can no longer see a way to stay on this journey.
Our family journey included:
- 2 Laparoscopies for dermoid cysts
- May 2010 left ovary
- February 2015 right ovary
- 2 miscarriages from natural pregnancies
- June 2014
- January 2015
- 1 D&C
- January 2015
- We started with a fertility clinic in Feb. 2015, in total we were treated by 5 doctors at 3 clinics due to state moves
- 2 failed IUIs
- May 2015
- July 2015
- 5 egg retrievals = 4 total genetically tested and “qualified” embryos
- October 2015
- February 2016
- April 2016
- September 2018
- November 2018
- 4 failed transfers – all boy angels
- June 2016
- November 2016
- May 2019
- August 2019
- Abnormal embryos 4 girls & 2 boys
- Trip to ER for abdominal pain from all the hormones
- July 2018
- 4 Hysteroscopies (? I’ve lost count)
- Leaving a high-stress job
- August 2018
- Canceled transfers
- Too many to remember
- Hundreds of stomach and intramuscular shots
- Hundreds of oral and suppository prescriptions
- Countless doctor appointments
- A lot of funding that we do not wish to calculate
- Many heartbreaks, tears, disappointments, emotional and physical pain
For now, we leave you with this: please be mindful when questioning those not close to you about their family building plans or process (or anything very personal). You never know what that person may be going through or how they are dealing with it inside. It becomes even more personal when there’s a struggle. We have been very mindful of asking certain personal questions because there may be a reason that someone isn’t discussing it. Trust me, people will tell you if they want you to know. There are many different questions you can ask to get to know someone outside of ”Do you have kids?” and then the follow up “Oh, do you not want any?”. Frequently, those that didn’t ask assumed we didn’t want any or made other assumptions. It’s not a perfect world, please take a pause to think through what you ask others.
We also kindly ask that you not offer advice or ask us if we have thought about adoption, surrogacy, donor eggs, etc. Those are also not easy paths, cost money, and are an emotional rollercoaster of their own. If you are thinking of it, please consider that we have already evaluated all options. When someone says these things to us, it’s like a punch in the gut. If you take anything away from our journey, read my posts on how to support, you may find someone on this path and the knowledge I share can help you to be their best supporter.
Here’s a great post on what’s helpful and not helpful to say.
If you’re on this journey, don’t let our story bring you down. Miracles DO happen and we want one for you. We wish that so many of those who want a child didn’t have to suffer this agonizing journey. The truth… IVF isn’t a guarantee, we had thin lining issues and age factoring against us, and those were just what doctors were able to identify with current understanding and technology.
We will sit in our feelings. There’s nothing that can be said to take the pain away. We both feel a deep sadness and hope to see the light soon. We are not up to talk about it and have plans to see a therapist to discuss how to handle our feelings and guidance on how to think through the future. For now, Jane will focus on spreading joy with her new business and use that to keep her mind moving and creative juices flowing so that she can move forward. Jack has been dealing with a reorg at work and is focusing on being fluid in order to navigate his new world.
We truly appreciate everyone’s support throughout this long and personal journey. Thank you for letting us share our story with you. We will take this time to grieve and figure out what’s next for us. At this time, Janet still wants to offer support to those on this journey and she’s thinking through how that will look.
Every one of us encounters various hard paths in our lives, and this was one of ours. We will get through this in time.
We love you all,
Jack and Janet
P.S. The first photo is a glimpse of what infertility looks like and the second, all the medications Janet has taken in the last two years, missing from the photo are the 3 years of fertility medications, tons of supplements, and acupuncture herbs.
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