The beginning of my personal leave is not getting off to right start. Unfortunately, my lining became thinner than last week and the transfer has been cancelled. It’s not what we wanted to hear but it is what it is. At the end of the day, we want this to be the best scenario because it’s our last embryo. This will set the process back about 4-6 weeks. I have stopped all medications/injections and now I wait for my body to restart the process. Sometimes we just don’t know how to feel anymore; we are tired of the disappointment and frustrated. We didn’t feel updating anyone; it’s hard to contact everyone especially when there is no positive news, thus the creation of this blog. We don’t want to be impersonal but it’s the best way for us to share our news and story.
The doctor did recommend trying another protocol that hasn’t been widely used. It’s called G-CSF (Granulocyte Colony Stimulating Factor) – it’s currently used on cancer patients that are undergoing therapy for strong chemotherapeutic medications. It is used to reduce the risk of infection related to low white blood cell concentration. For IVF, it’s used to treat women with thin uterine lining. It’s a “uterine flush” that is done the week before the embryo transfer and can be repeated if there is no improvement. The drug is FDA approved but not approved for thin lining. There are case studies with a small group of women that showed positive results. I am currently researching other studies as the online support group has provided me with additional information on other medications. I will gather what I find and talk to my doctors to get their thoughts.
I decided to watch One More Shot again. It’s great that it’s now on Netflix! I feel very connected to this documentary; it makes me feel understood and not alone. I recommend you watch it; if you are inclined to understand our journey. Although our situations are different, we have the same end goal. As I went to sleep last night, I felt the pain raise up into my heart. I couldn’t help but cry; that ugly cry. Can you relate? It was therapeutic in a sense to release all that pent up pain. The positive thing is that our journey is not over; it just breaks our hearts a little each time we need to make a pit stop. It’s just delayed (again) and for a type A personality, it’s hard when things are yet again “off schedule”. The delay caused me to panic a little as my 2 months off work feels wasted but Jack reminded me that the time off is still needed. I can request 4 more weeks if needed and we can decide this in a few weeks. I will continue my acupuncture, yoga, castor oil packs, foot baths and anything to help get my lining into gear.
Jack and I are going to look into surrogacy again, the doctor provided me with recommendations of his top agencies. He had suggested a while back to start the process and be ready in case it’s needed. It’s very costly so we are unsure this is in the cards for us. We are also looking into other options as well.
I will give myself a day or two to self-pity. I will get back up and move forward. Now to turn to the next page.